If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
