When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
