dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
