remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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