Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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