Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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