Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
