Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
