Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
