I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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