I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
