did you get engaged???
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
