did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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