8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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