singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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