Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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