She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
