I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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