you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
