we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
