His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
