it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
