dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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