Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
