I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
