Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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