Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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