I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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