I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
