I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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