why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
