You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
