I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
