Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
