he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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