We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
