what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
