this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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