You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
