guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
