what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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