jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
