I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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