When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
