I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
