brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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