nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
