I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
