so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
