Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
