He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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