6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
