He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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